Caffeine and Thoughts From Days Gone By

My God. I didn't realize it until I pulled up in front of my house this afternoon, but I am WAY over-caffeinated. You, the coffee aficionado, understand my plight. Coffee wakes you up in the morning, it gives you that feeling that you are somehow stronger, faster, BETTER than you were the previous day. Yep, for me it's liquid Steve Austin, and no, I don't mean the wrestler (if you don't understand this reference, then I have officially dated myself and you can google your other options). Today, however, I somehow crossed "the line." The problem with this demarcation is that it is ever-changing. Caffeine seems to affect you differently every day. Most of the time, for me anyway, the line is distant and difficult to cross. Coffee and I usually get along gloriously. I generally know about where my limit is, but somehow today it snuck up and laid across my path without me noticing. I stepped over without looking down and now I find myself barely able to type. I can only focus for moments before having to go back and make sure my train of thought is flowing coherently. With that said, I like to start out this week by publishing something I wrote a couple of years ago on a myspace blog. This is the only entry I ever made, and aside from what you have read this last week, the only other blogging I've done. I feel a bit like a cheat to put this up today instead of something new, but I want this older peice of writing in the record as well - and you might even enjoy it. It's a little light-hearted rant that I put out just before the 2006 mid-term elections (after just the right amount of coffee, I believe) and my feelings have changed little since then, although, given the opportunity, I wouldn't hesitate to replace Reid and Pelosi with people who have spines (right Dad?)...enjoy.

Friday, October 27, 2006

the hot winds of hell or some mean-ass plumbing

MEAN PLUMBING: THERE MUST BE SOMETHING AFOOT

Deep down in my soul, there's a monster lurking. I know it's there, because every time the toilet backs up, stubby little horns break through my skull and a voice emerges from my inner being, screaming and hollering like a banshee on crack. It all happened again this morning. I was minding my own business, quietly reading on the hopper. It was at that moment, just as I turned and flushed, that the bowels of hell once again opened and poured out their violent lament. Now, before you turn away in disgust, let me explain myself. It takes little to inspire this wailing, and even less to feel the anger and disgust the voices are trying to articulate. It leaves me wondering, why the transformation is so easily inspired? The toilet overflowed, it happens to the best of humanity, it happens to everyone. So why then, when these "little things" happen., do I so quickly descend into madness? I've tried the medication, the trips to the shrink, and so on; even moments of calm, introspective reasoning with myself seem to do nothing. I'm beginning to believe that this rage that rears its head from time to time is not born of myself, but from a larger, darker world than even that found in my own twisted mind. A word: politics. A simple word that should begin to give you, the reader, a basic understanding of why, when I spill a little coffee on my shirt, I'm suddenly overcome by the urge to blow up small a country. Just a little one mind you, like Liechtenstein, or Canada, but you get the point.
But why should politics cause such inner fury? I wasn't always like this. I'm generally a calm, reasonable person. I'm typically fair and kind. However, over the last six years or so I've slowly lost control of that inner peace that would ordinarily put a stop to these violent outburst. What then, you might ask , is the relationship between my response to an overflowing toilet and how I feel about politics? I think the imagery here is explanation enough. Without being too graphic, a toilet bowl, in its various states of usage, should remind anyone of the current political situation in this country. Now, I am but a common man, not well versed in the political sciences. I vote my conscience. I try my best to be a part of the well-informed citizenry. I read the newspaper, watch varying amounts of what passes for news on the television, and tune in to "news-talk" radio while driving too fast to places I don't need to go. In short, I'm about as informed as the next guy. I really don't want to mention which direction I lean, because for the purposes of this rant, it doesn't matter. Besides, you could probably guess. This is one of the biggest problems I have with "politics." If I mention which way I vote, then suddenly everybody is a f-ing expert in psychology and they think they know what kind of great or evil person I must be. Well folks, two can play that game. I believe that most Republicans are blind sheep with little capacity for individual thought; I also believe that most Democrats are equally as blind and thoughtless. This is how we play the game in America, right? Politically speaking, we accept only others of our skewed little tribes and mindlessly dismiss what ideas others outside our paradigm may have. We don't listen to each other. Hell, the real problem is that there is no "each other." I for one, despise being the recipient of other people's generalizations. You don't know a thing about me. I don't know a thing about you . There you are. We're even. The fact of the nonpartisan matter is, George W. Bush is a complete moron who is driving this country to the brink of extinction. The problem is exacerbated by a Congress who's testicles are each smaller than the other. I don't for a minute believe that all Republican Senators worship the ground this lunatic skips around on while waiving his arms and shouting, "I'm not crazy, I'm an airplane!" This election needs to bring about some serious change, if only to stop the nut-job in the Oval Office from making another mistake. For now, I'll let the banshee smoke its rock and wail to the masses. I'll embrace this anger. I'm demanding you get out and vote. I don't care what persuasion you would normally lean to…right now, we need a congress that will question what this freak is doing and make sure that for now, we have some assurance that he won't be able to flush this entire country down the 'ole hopper, or even worse drop the proverbial "cherry bomb" into the plumbing and destroy the entire house. You people need to vote in a Democratic Congress- If you wouldn't normally vote that way, just do it this time. Next time around, when idiot-boy is no longer at the wheel, we can work something else out…I've gotta go get my plunger and let the winds of my inner maelstrom blow with the hot breath of a thousand angry demons...you should get off your lazy ass and go vote.